.......And its ok, because they have a truck like this, and it totally justifies my serious addiction problem:
I probably go through 6 cans a day. I need therapy..... Gawd this layout is so...so... PINK. Eh, it works. This is where I'm supposed to tell you a little about myself and why I am starting a blog. I simply like to type. Its not singularly about my personal life, or the latest entertainment news, or funny videos, or weird stories... its just whatever ends up here. Period. And remember that the address is Flyin Monkey of Doom. You know the word "Flying"? Now take the 'g' off the end, because I'm apparently not the only person who loves to use this phrase. To whomever has Flying Monkeys of Doom at Blogspot, I have been using it since my first year Spanish class in my Sophomore year of high school when our teacher told us to create a restaurant with a fake menu. My menu included barbequed dog brains and fried donkey ears. The thing is I'm almost positive both of those dishes are prepared and eaten regularly somewhere on this planet. Whats YOUR claim to the phrase? After I'm done with this entry I intend to check it out, and then we shall battle to the death over whom is the rightful master of the "Monos de Vuelo del Infierno", or the name of my restaurant in Spanish class. (Yes it says flying monkeys of doom, for those of you who never learned to play connect the dots as preschoolers. My teacher swore up and down the closest word for doom in Spanish is hell...its debatable..)
In any case, for the first order of the day, I introduce you to Larry's Daily Bitch. It will be an every day segment unless Larry finally decides to depart from my life. I guaruntee you he will have at least one bitch a day. Usually his minimum is 5, unless he is very hung over, in which case he may not emerge from his cave for an entire day. When he does he asks the same question ten times and seems to be unable to understand the English language when I reply. Eventually he manages to get in one meager bitch before retreating to his lair.
Larry is my roomate. My fiance and I leased a house in the countryside on five acres. It has three bedrooms, two of which we never used. The rent is awfully high, and we like to be able to have a little leeway so that my easily stressed brain doesn't explode all over the carpet (because then we'll never get the deposit back when we move out!) AND, we can afford to actually...you know... do stuff. Otherwise we'd basically be on house arrest. In ANY case, we rented out the two rooms and the extra bathroom to him for about 1/3 of our rent...meaning we are still shelling out twice as much as he is. Meaning we have the majority. Don't forget the fact that WE are on the lease and the whiny bitch is not. I remember distinctly telling him in no unclear terms that those rooms were like his little apartment, and that he got to USE the kitchen to cook, clean dishes, and store his food. I didn't tell him he got some magical "equal say" about how the kitchen works...which for hims turns out to be "I get all the freaking cupboard space...oh, did I mention you only get 2 square inches of refigerator space and the freezer is all mine? And by the way, if you don't do your dishes immediately or forget to wipe the counters I get to become hysterical, but I never have to do either."
He gets absolutely no say on the outside of the house, though he magically believes he does. Basically, we meant to rent him out a little "apartment", not the entire property. From us. He knows we are on a lease, so his mind set is "Well, we all rent from someone else, so we are all equal housemates here and we all get an equal say in everything that happens around here.".....Negative. Unless you want to pay half of the entire rent Larry? I didn't think so. In any case, I'll be posting a daily whine from him here...so as not to give in to my urge to slit his throat with whatever happens to be handy at the time. Oooh, maybe this rusty nail will do....
Larry's Daily Bitch: You always are leaving the porch lights on! I literally have to turn them off every day!
Well Larry, you insisted we put in those crappy energy saving ones that barely give off any light. I can't see three feet in front of my face, let alone see the stairs at the end of the porch. They are just sooo helpful. But hey, they save $2 a month in electricity bills. Apparently it doesn't matter to you if you fall down the stairs in the dark and gouge your eye out on a rock. I admit we forget to turn them off quite allot. Mostly because we get up to let the dogs out at 4 A.M., half zombified, and barely remember how to put one foot in front of the other, much less remember to switch off the freaking light. Guess what? Our electricity here is really cheap, even when we forget to turn the freaking weak ass energy saving porch light off..He happens to be out tonight. Odds are he won't come home until its already light, but in the event he comes home half drunk and attempts to stumble into the house, I think I'll do him the favor of switching all the porch lights OFF (which we like to leave ON for him when he is out at night...you know, courtesy and all that jazz). So good luck to him making it up those stairs in the dark, the semi-alcoholic gripe machine. It is worth saving an extra dollar this month. :)
In the interest of having something somewhat interesting for anyone who actually stops by here to see, take a gander at some of this.
Earlier tonight I took a bath and was watching some TV. Yeah, I watch TV in the bath. Our bath connects to our bedroom, so I just open our big folding doors and tilt the TV from the bedroom towards the tub. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it too... I'm not sure if that saying applies here. I'm not sure that saying should apply anywhere actually. Of course you are going to eat the cake you have. Why not? Why act like its such a wonderful, delightful, and lucky situation that you get to have your cake AND eat it! What were you going to do? Stare at it and then sadly bury it in the back yard?
In any case, I was watching a show called Medical Marvels...or Medical Mysteries...Something like that. Don't pressure me so much! In any case, there was a girl who couldn't sweat. Unfortunately she was an active girl, unlike so many teenagers today who do just what I am doing and spend tons of time on the internet. Apparently, if she over exerts herself and doesn't spray herself with a spray bottle constantly she will fry like an egg. Its apparently called anhydrosis and some people report having it happen to them suddenly in life. In other words, it may happen to you at any minute, and then your insides will dematerialize or something and you'll pour out on the floor. Now I'm hyper paranoid...
In any case, for the first order of the day, I introduce you to Larry's Daily Bitch. It will be an every day segment unless Larry finally decides to depart from my life. I guaruntee you he will have at least one bitch a day. Usually his minimum is 5, unless he is very hung over, in which case he may not emerge from his cave for an entire day. When he does he asks the same question ten times and seems to be unable to understand the English language when I reply. Eventually he manages to get in one meager bitch before retreating to his lair.
Larry is my roomate. My fiance and I leased a house in the countryside on five acres. It has three bedrooms, two of which we never used. The rent is awfully high, and we like to be able to have a little leeway so that my easily stressed brain doesn't explode all over the carpet (because then we'll never get the deposit back when we move out!) AND, we can afford to actually...you know... do stuff. Otherwise we'd basically be on house arrest. In ANY case, we rented out the two rooms and the extra bathroom to him for about 1/3 of our rent...meaning we are still shelling out twice as much as he is. Meaning we have the majority. Don't forget the fact that WE are on the lease and the whiny bitch is not. I remember distinctly telling him in no unclear terms that those rooms were like his little apartment, and that he got to USE the kitchen to cook, clean dishes, and store his food. I didn't tell him he got some magical "equal say" about how the kitchen works...which for hims turns out to be "I get all the freaking cupboard space...oh, did I mention you only get 2 square inches of refigerator space and the freezer is all mine? And by the way, if you don't do your dishes immediately or forget to wipe the counters I get to become hysterical, but I never have to do either."
He gets absolutely no say on the outside of the house, though he magically believes he does. Basically, we meant to rent him out a little "apartment", not the entire property. From us. He knows we are on a lease, so his mind set is "Well, we all rent from someone else, so we are all equal housemates here and we all get an equal say in everything that happens around here.".....Negative. Unless you want to pay half of the entire rent Larry? I didn't think so. In any case, I'll be posting a daily whine from him here...so as not to give in to my urge to slit his throat with whatever happens to be handy at the time. Oooh, maybe this rusty nail will do....
Larry's Daily Bitch: You always are leaving the porch lights on! I literally have to turn them off every day!
Well Larry, you insisted we put in those crappy energy saving ones that barely give off any light. I can't see three feet in front of my face, let alone see the stairs at the end of the porch. They are just sooo helpful. But hey, they save $2 a month in electricity bills. Apparently it doesn't matter to you if you fall down the stairs in the dark and gouge your eye out on a rock. I admit we forget to turn them off quite allot. Mostly because we get up to let the dogs out at 4 A.M., half zombified, and barely remember how to put one foot in front of the other, much less remember to switch off the freaking light. Guess what? Our electricity here is really cheap, even when we forget to turn the freaking weak ass energy saving porch light off..He happens to be out tonight. Odds are he won't come home until its already light, but in the event he comes home half drunk and attempts to stumble into the house, I think I'll do him the favor of switching all the porch lights OFF (which we like to leave ON for him when he is out at night...you know, courtesy and all that jazz). So good luck to him making it up those stairs in the dark, the semi-alcoholic gripe machine. It is worth saving an extra dollar this month. :)
In the interest of having something somewhat interesting for anyone who actually stops by here to see, take a gander at some of this.
Earlier tonight I took a bath and was watching some TV. Yeah, I watch TV in the bath. Our bath connects to our bedroom, so I just open our big folding doors and tilt the TV from the bedroom towards the tub. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it too... I'm not sure if that saying applies here. I'm not sure that saying should apply anywhere actually. Of course you are going to eat the cake you have. Why not? Why act like its such a wonderful, delightful, and lucky situation that you get to have your cake AND eat it! What were you going to do? Stare at it and then sadly bury it in the back yard?
In any case, I was watching a show called Medical Marvels...or Medical Mysteries...Something like that. Don't pressure me so much! In any case, there was a girl who couldn't sweat. Unfortunately she was an active girl, unlike so many teenagers today who do just what I am doing and spend tons of time on the internet. Apparently, if she over exerts herself and doesn't spray herself with a spray bottle constantly she will fry like an egg. Its apparently called anhydrosis and some people report having it happen to them suddenly in life. In other words, it may happen to you at any minute, and then your insides will dematerialize or something and you'll pour out on the floor. Now I'm hyper paranoid...
There was also a family that had a genetic defect called lobster claw syndrome. Its usually a deformity of the hands but also can deform the feet, legs, etc. They each have a 50/50 chance of passing this on to their children. One woman had two children who both had the problem and both died as infants from complications from the defect. She then tried a THIRD time for a child who ended up having it so badly she can't walk, only drag herself, and her hands are also severly deformed. WHY would you keep trying so desperately to have a child that might die painfully because of your selfishness! Or who might live a painful, difficult life! You could simply adopt a freaking child or *gasp* not have one. People disgust me when they are this selfish. When you do this sort of thing, it isn't about the child, its about what YOU want. You jerks.
[Lobster Claw Video]
There was also a case where a woman took an antibiotic for a simple sinus infection and had a severe allergic reaction. Her skin literally started falling off. Soon, she had NONE. The linings of her internal organs started to weaken and try to fall off. They put plastic caps over her eyes to protect her melting eyeballs, and stapled plastic over her entire body to keep the fluids in. She had a 10% chance for survival, and this was optimistic. Eventually her skin grew back, and she looks completely normal. In fact, her skin is like babies skin, very soft and fresh. She will be 90 and have the skin of a 40 year old! I guess the secret to young skin is to rip it all off so it will grow back new. Don't everyone go rushing off to try this all at once! Geez you crazy fad people...
[Lobster Claw Video]
There was also a case where a woman took an antibiotic for a simple sinus infection and had a severe allergic reaction. Her skin literally started falling off. Soon, she had NONE. The linings of her internal organs started to weaken and try to fall off. They put plastic caps over her eyes to protect her melting eyeballs, and stapled plastic over her entire body to keep the fluids in. She had a 10% chance for survival, and this was optimistic. Eventually her skin grew back, and she looks completely normal. In fact, her skin is like babies skin, very soft and fresh. She will be 90 and have the skin of a 40 year old! I guess the secret to young skin is to rip it all off so it will grow back new. Don't everyone go rushing off to try this all at once! Geez you crazy fad people...
No comments:
Post a Comment