The Many Ways to Play Piano

I was perusing my Youtube favorites, and realized that I spent a great deal of time browsing videos of people playing pianos. I love piano music. Nothing is more hauntingly beautiful than a well played piece on a quality piano. I thought I would share some of the more amazing pieces of my collection, and then delve into some of the interesting and humorous ways people have gone about using the piano.

First off, I want to start with actual pianos. I will then graduate to some of the more ingenious things people have managed to do with them.______________________________________
Tocatta N Fugue in D Minor

If you can successfully play this, you are my hero for life. Period. In it's proper composition, this is one of the most wickedly difficult pieces to play. Originally designed for the pipe organ, it is even more impressive when performed on the correct instrument. It is rather ominous and drags my brain directly to the Disney short from Fantasia called "Night on Bald Mountain", even though this music has nothing to do with the cartoon.
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Blindfold Pianist

The Blindfolded Pianist is also known as the Video Game Pianist, and is actually a guy named Martin Leung. He graduated from the Yale University of Music and has toured the world playing classical music...and video game pieces. He became famous due to this video of him playing songs from a ton of different Mario Games, blind folded. It first appeared on Ebaum's World in 2004 when he was 17. What is sad is that although this is cool, it is such a novelty compared to the amazing beauty with which he plays classical pieces. You can get sheet music for all of the pieces in this video [Here]______________________________________
Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

For those of you who think that classical music is boring, and that being able to play video game themes on the piano is just a cry for serious professional help, there are many popular and current songs that have well made sheet music for the piano. This one happens to be "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. I have an arrangement of this music, though not as challenging as the man here is playing (Scott D. Davis) I always thought that many of the intros and ballad type songs Metallica used to turn out were beautiful. They are even more so when tweaked with and played on a piano. Metallica also has a knack for making classical music "rock", such as their version of the Carol of the Bells done with the Trans Syberian Orchestra._________________________________________
"Ball" Piano

This guy plays the piano with his "balls." Don't worry, these aren't the anatomical type. These are big, pink and bouncy. Something he probably doesn't want his own to be. His last song is the most impressive, as he increases his speed quite significantly. __________________________________
Um....

Speaking of anatomical features with which you can play the piano.... I am positive this is a comedy skit, particularly considering the "host" is the gay cop from Reno 911. Honestly, how much trauma would banging on the keys with that particular piece of your body cause? And how much ED medication would you need to be on to achieve the ability to go out in front of an audience and do this? Probably enough that would put you straight into a hospital for an erection lasting more than four hours.__________________________________
FAO Schwarz Floor Piano

This giant piano was made famous by the Tom Hanks movie "Big", filmed in 1988, in which he and Robert Loggia danced "Chopsticks" and "Heart and Soul" on it. The company, FAO Schwarz, was bought out by Toys R Us. But, because of the fame of this New York location, they kept the original name. Trained employees perform shows on the giant piano. This is one of the best performances I have found, with the fewest obvious mistakes. Again, I really love this song. ________________________________________
Piano Stairs

And to prove that there is more than one way to play the piano with your feet, and that you can trick people into exercising like large, hairless hamsters I present to you the stair piano. Not that you can make very good music with this without busting your head trying to make flying leaps. Couple that with the fact that there are generally at least a few other people using the stairs with you, and you are more likely to receive an earful of offensive noise. But the concept is neat anyways, and people just can't resist playing with the giant keys like the annoying children in the toy aisle at Wal-mart who set off all the talking/noise making toys at once. Oh wait, I still do that._________________________________________
Nora The Piano Playing Cat

Lastly, the piano playing cats. What maestros! Although I'm not sure this constitutes playing so much as randomly banging the keys. I seriously believe this cat has an OCD issue. Either that, or someone put cat nip on the keys. ___________________________________________
Keyboard Cat

At least Nora is a true artist, who makes an honest effort at music. Nothing like this poser, the infamous "Keyboard Kitty." Too bad this little guy was just used by his manager to market "hip" merchandise. Another performer used and abused for his image.
~Found on a T-Shirt. Fatso later turned to crack cocaine and popped a cap in some dude. He is serving life without parole.~

FANGS! ... on Vaginas?

You heard right boys, time to start shaking in your boots. Or for your mini-me to retreat into the comforting safety of your pants.

-Poisonous jellyfish? Nope. This is much more perilous to your Johnson.-

This deep sea-looking object is called a Rape-aXe, a female condom ribbed with TEETH. Yes, freaking teeth. Dr. Sonnet Elhers has been sitting on this torture dev.....anti-rape idea for fourty years. Perhaps she was worried about how men around the planet would respond to her invention, and this caused hesitation. Perhaps she is now at a point in her life where the potential necessity of going into hiding would not be a huge inconvenience. Helping women to avoid rape is certainly a worthy cause, but the opportunity for misuse is blatantly obvious. Imagine the trauma to a man should he be tricked into inserting his "eel" into a vengeful woman's "cave." Sometimes, men simply listen with their tiny brains. They may ignore the wary comments made by their real brain, which becomes dangerously deprived of blood flow as it is diverted to other regions, and get wild and crazy with their previously spiteful ex. No matter that the crazy bitch left ten threatening phone calls last week, she is as sweet as pie today, and he hasn't had any for two months. Unfortunately, if Sheila has her "fangs" in, the resulting dry spell may last much longer (and be much more painful.)

The device is inserted into a woman's vagina, and an attacker receives an immediate and presumably nasty bite as soon as he achieves intro-mission. At which point we assume he falls to the ground, screaming. The contraption can not be removed without the help of a medical team. The theory is that the man will be arrested when he shows up at the hospital with a tiny, viscous monster clamped onto his member, because he has obviously been attempting to rape someone. Let us return to the "evil ex-girlfriend" scenario. Not only has the poor buffoon made the mistake of entering a dangerous cave full of peril, and suffered the painful consequences...but he now must endure the humiliation of the entire hospital staff (because we all KNOW the doctors are not keeping the hilarity of it all to themselves.) To further drag him into the pits of hell, he will now have the police called on him, who will arrest him and question him under the suspicion of rape. He may or may not spend the night in a jail cell, and his battered penis will be exposed to the shame and ridicule of the police department and any cell mates who wonder why he is huddling painfully in a corner, clutching his crotch.

I should mention that this product was released in Africa, where rape is apparently a huge issue. As far as I know, you can not get any in America. However, the product DOES exists, and there will eventually be an opportunity for someone to get their hands on it who may have serious ideas about its misuse.

{Rape Axe Website}

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Speaking of gross misuse in an effort to halt sexual assualt and disease....

Seriously, we do not want to see a woman being raped by Hitler. Is that a look of enjoyment on her face? I don't know what this achieves beyond absolute disgust, and perhaps therapy for the next few months.

Um.... *crickets*....... This an anti-pedophile campaign. Apparently, we need to be more aware of the dangers of pedophiles. Of course, when invisible pedophiles enter my home and convince my toddler to give them a blow job while playing with his toy train, I might have crossed into the Twilight Zone. The very sick, very twisted Twilight Zone. Although protecting children from sick freaks is important, can't we get the message through a bit more tastefully? If the only thing you can rely on in an ad to get your message heard is shock value, you are not a talented advertiser.

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WHY WOMEN DON'T LOVE YOU

Because you honestly could use some new dance moves. This doesn't get particularly interesting until about 1:30. He apparently doesn't think much of "struttin' that ass." I believe he is referring to people who think too highly of themselves. He refers to Clinton at one point, but I honestly can't imagine him strutting his ass (unless he is talking about Hilary, and I honestly don't want to imagine that from HER either.) What is frightening to me, is that this guy is the spitting image of one of my uncles. Who, as it were, happens to be a complete crack-head who is doing his millionth stint in prison at the time.

Because you tried to ninja kick David Letterman...or is that a good thing? This is courtesy of 1987, so it isn't new. But I couldn't help but sharing this gem. First, your wig. Second, your shoes. Third, your clothing in general. And of course the obvious use of some sort of hallucinogenic. Acid trip anyone? What the hell is in that case? Your belt buckle collection? Because that is surely going to convince people you are less weird. If the point is to defend yourself against tabloid accusations of being WEIRD, you might not want to take drugs before you come out on stage that make you a paranoid basket case.