You heard right boys, time to start shaking in your boots. Or for your mini-me to retreat into the comforting safety of your pants.
-Poisonous jellyfish? Nope. This is much more perilous to your Johnson.-
This deep sea-looking object is called a Rape-aXe, a female condom ribbed with TEETH. Yes, freaking teeth. Dr. Sonnet Elhers has been sitting on this torture dev.....anti-rape idea for fourty years. Perhaps she was worried about how men around the planet would respond to her invention, and this caused hesitation. Perhaps she is now at a point in her life where the potential necessity of going into hiding would not be a huge inconvenience. Helping women to avoid rape is certainly a worthy cause, but the opportunity for misuse is blatantly obvious. Imagine the trauma to a man should he be tricked into inserting his "eel" into a vengeful woman's "cave." Sometimes, men simply listen with their tiny brains. They may ignore the wary comments made by their real brain, which becomes dangerously deprived of blood flow as it is diverted to other regions, and get wild and crazy with their previously spiteful ex. No matter that the crazy bitch left ten threatening phone calls last week, she is as sweet as pie today, and he hasn't had any for two months. Unfortunately, if Sheila has her "fangs" in, the resulting dry spell may last much longer (and be much more painful.)
The device is inserted into a woman's vagina, and an attacker receives an immediate and presumably nasty bite as soon as he achieves intro-mission. At which point we assume he falls to the ground, screaming. The contraption can not be removed without the help of a medical team. The theory is that the man will be arrested when he shows up at the hospital with a tiny, viscous monster clamped onto his member, because he has obviously been attempting to rape someone. Let us return to the "evil ex-girlfriend" scenario. Not only has the poor buffoon made the mistake of entering a dangerous cave full of peril, and suffered the painful consequences...but he now must endure the humiliation of the entire hospital staff (because we all KNOW the doctors are not keeping the hilarity of it all to themselves.) To further drag him into the pits of hell, he will now have the police called on him, who will arrest him and question him under the suspicion of rape. He may or may not spend the night in a jail cell, and his battered penis will be exposed to the shame and ridicule of the police department and any cell mates who wonder why he is huddling painfully in a corner, clutching his crotch.
I should mention that this product was released in Africa, where rape is apparently a huge issue. As far as I know, you can not get any in America. However, the product DOES exists, and there will eventually be an opportunity for someone to get their hands on it who may have serious ideas about its misuse.
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Speaking of gross misuse in an effort to halt sexual assualt and disease....
Seriously, we do not want to see a woman being raped by Hitler. Is that a look of enjoyment on her face? I don't know what this achieves beyond absolute disgust, and perhaps therapy for the next few months.
Um.... *crickets*....... This an anti-pedophile campaign. Apparently, we need to be more aware of the dangers of pedophiles. Of course, when invisible pedophiles enter my home and convince my toddler to give them a blow job while playing with his toy train, I might have crossed into the Twilight Zone. The very sick, very twisted Twilight Zone. Although protecting children from sick freaks is important, can't we get the message through a bit more tastefully? If the only thing you can rely on in an ad to get your message heard is shock value, you are not a talented advertiser.
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WHY WOMEN DON'T LOVE YOU
Because you honestly could use some new dance moves. This doesn't get particularly interesting until about 1:30. He apparently doesn't think much of "struttin' that ass." I believe he is referring to people who think too highly of themselves. He refers to Clinton at one point, but I honestly can't imagine him strutting his ass (unless he is talking about Hilary, and I honestly don't want to imagine that from HER either.) What is frightening to me, is that this guy is the spitting image of one of my uncles. Who, as it were, happens to be a complete crack-head who is doing his millionth stint in prison at the time.
Because you tried to ninja kick David Letterman...or is that a good thing? This is courtesy of 1987, so it isn't new. But I couldn't help but sharing this gem. First, your wig. Second, your shoes. Third, your clothing in general. And of course the obvious use of some sort of hallucinogenic. Acid trip anyone? What the hell is in that case? Your belt buckle collection? Because that is surely going to convince people you are less weird. If the point is to defend yourself against tabloid accusations of being WEIRD, you might not want to take drugs before you come out on stage that make you a paranoid basket case.
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