Because that is just f'ing creepy. I've recently been reading Stephen King's "Pet Sematary", and I can't get zombie cats out of my head. I realize that Church (the undead feline in the book) is not a zombie per say...But I just can't help but imagine him beginning to rot and fall apart, much like a Dawn of the Dead zombie. The way King constantly describes that rancid odor.... So far, I am really liking this book. It has become my favorite King novel, although I was pretty creeped out by "Thinner". I haven't gotten to the end yet, but Louis is about to do the very thing he should not and bury his demolished two year old in the magical graveyard. I get this sneaking suspicion that the kid will come back and murder his father in his sleep...at which point I will most likely have nightmares about zombie toddlers, and that will be much worse than the cats. Cats have an inherentely creepy quality to them in the first place. Something perhaps almost super natural about them, so zombie cats don't really seem like a huge stretch to me. But zombie toddlers....creepy children like Dameon or the girl from The Ring have always given me the willies.
Check this out:
Can something be cute and creepy at the same time? This picture proves the answer to be yes.
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WHY WOMEN DON'T LOVE YOU
I actually feel really bad for this guy. This video is ridiculously sad. (If this is real, of course, and not some act.) It seems as if this man came into one of those dating service places, because he had heard his ex-girlfriend had recently been there. He paid good money to have a dating video taken of him. Of course, these places intend to use the video as a single's video, which should highlight some facts about the person such as name, age, likes and dislikes, maybe even the odd little quirk or fetish now and then (hey, some people want weird things...)
However, this man apparently believed he was paying this dating service to make a video FOR "Janice", and deliver it to her. He intended to profess his undying love on video, proving he was her one and only by shelling out the dough to get a professional video message made, thus convincing her to come running back. I'm not sure it went so well... I do hope the final product WAS missing all of the parts he asked them rewind and tape over....at least for his dignitiy's sake. Did they ever send this tape directly to Janice? Somehow I doubt it.
As bad as I feel for him, I couldn't stop laughing. I can see his thought process so clearly!:
Randy's Thoughts: I want Janice back. Ok, so I'll pay these guys to make this video message for her. Here goes...
Randy's Words: "Janice, I demand you bring my truck and home back!"(which I assume is a trailer by the look of things)
Randy's Thoughts: Oh shit, wait... That probably isn't what I should say to get her back. Lets try this...
Randy's Words: "I love you and miss you".
Randy's Thoughts: ...Thats a good one right thar. Oh, and I should compliment her too, women love flattery...
Randy's Words: "You have the best boobs ever. You are so cool because you like sports!..You can't keep your fucking mouth shut though.."
Randy's Thoughts: Oh wait, maybe I shouldn't say that last part. Can we back up?
Randy's Words: "I miss and love you."
Randy's Thoughts: ...Yeah, I'll just add that in (again)..Oh but this time I'll add extra
Randy's Words: "You are beautiful." "Oh, and if we wanted to have a baby it could bring us beer and chips! You don't have to get all fat and pregnant and .... BIG! We could just put your egg and my seed in your SISTERS belly because she don't give a rat's ass what she looks like, the stupid pig! It would still be OUR baby!"
Randy's Thoughts: Gee, yeah! We could totally use her sister as a hatchery and a milk machine so my Janice won't have to be a fat whale for a few months, and she won't have them darn stretch marks. And her sister doesn't give a shit about her body anyways, what with the smoking and the crack and the booze! Lets just make use of her fat, lazy ass and stick a child in that belly! She has already had 12 illegitimate crack babies. She is a well oiled baby factory by now! Then we can watch our sports shows and that thar kid can go across to his aunties house and grab us some booze. Hell, I'll bet he can start on that when he is just 2 years old. They can walk by then right? (Yay for the confused, boozing toddler slave who came out of one woman, but calls the other mommy and who will probably be addicted to cigarettes and meth while still in the womb.)
Randy's Words: "So what did she say on her tape?" "Wait...what?! She didn't say anything about ME?!" (God forbid she is actually trying to find someone NEW, hence the reason she paid a dating service for a single's tape...Maybe she doesn't want a snack food/beer fetching cracked out toddler slave.) "Quit telling me to pretend the camera is not JANICE! THATS NOT WHO ITS SUPPOSED TO NOT BE!" (Wait...what??)
Randy's Thoughts: These guys are morons. Am I wasting my money on my love-tape? Should I find a different "get my redneck girlfriend back so we can make tiny, alcoholic servants with the use of our very own baby making crack whore" service?
Randy's Words: "Did I waste my money! JANICE! I miss you and love you damn it! THIS CAMERA IS JANICE! IT IS!!!!!!"
Randy's Thoughts: Don't f'ing MESS with my HEAD! This IS JANICE! That camera, right there, is my beautiful, not fat and preggo, Janice who loves sports and won't shut her damn mouth, and has the best boobies I have ever gotten to touch!
Randy's Words: "So, can we back up and erase all of the screaming I just did?"
Randy's Thoughts: I don't want all that to go into the tape. Just the part about boobies and using mind control to enslave the babies we are going to make in that big factory (aka her sister's well worn uterus.) Well, I better finish it off good.
Randy's Words: "I love you and miss you. " (The only sane thing he has said...again and again...on this tape.)
*Sigh* Janice...RUN. Run while you still have the chance. And take your sister with you. Maybe look into getting her vagina sewn shut while your at it. We can't risk an army of baby slaves. Whomever gets a hold of them will simply be too powerful to stop.
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In case you case you care about my actual life... I was recently huddled in a park well after the sun went down this weekend. I had Sarge, our red heeler puppy, and my new Stephen King novel to occupy my time. Sarge turned out to be a crappy little protector, huddling in my lap and clinging to me like a furry leech at every odd noise. Soon it became dark, and the park was deserted. I was dissapointed to find the park had no swings, only those climby jungle gym type structures that have always looked fancy, but also seemed like a good way to break a five year old's neck in three places. What self respecting park doesn't have a swingset anyways! This park only had slides, monkey bars, and tons of crap to climb on. I didn't start getting scared until I got to the part in the book where the jogger gets demolished by a car and thrown head first into a tree, and then dumped on the doctor's rug. The imagery was not pretty, and the creepy drunk guy walking down the street was starting to take on a zombie-like appearance in my mind's eye. I climbed up the slide and hid myself in the small jungle gym baracade. It was a good defensive position. I was off the ground and protected on three sides, with only a set of narrow stairs and a slide in front of me. I could imagine kicking any would be attackers direclty down the slide quite easily, whether they be zombies or drunks.
Eventually, Adam came back and I had to leave my little zombie fortress fantasy behind, and realized I had been having a bit of fun with my somewhat scary (and often times child-like) imagination. Oh the good old days of being a little kid. We drove until 1:30 in the A.M., at which point we stopped at a campground at Three Creeks, Sisters. Its a beautiful spot with a crystalline lake. Unfortunately, its pretty packed in the summer, and Hoodoo has decided its $14 a night for a campsite! This is a government freaking campsite with little dirt spots... The most extravagant thing there is a freaking outdoor toilet with no plumbing. They claim the fees help with costs of upkeeping the camp sites. What costs? Sucking the crap out of the john? Frankly, I don't think the stupid forest service is needed there. I refuse to pay for such ridiculousness. The camp lady made her rounds that morning and asked us to pay. We told her we would, but left later. We camped about 10 minutes from there, OUTSIDE the little campground, and it was much better. No one was crowding us and there was a very neat pond nearby. We got some awesome photographs and enjoyed ourselves in peace and quiet! I almost considered writing something nasty on the little envelope that the camp lady had given us about being taxpayers and not giving a rat's ass if they deserted that campground forever...but I decided that I have a problem and needed to keep more of my thoughts to myself. So I did.
The little envelope warned that non-payment constituted a theft of services and could result in a citation. This I took to mean that they were threatening to send a ticket in the mail should they discover we skipped out on the "bill". Considering the woman wrote our license plate only on the envelope which she handed to us for payment, and on nothing else, I'm not sure she can ever figure out who we are. Do you really think they do that, or just threaten it in hopes people will believe it and cave in to their demands?? If they do, I'm simply going to claim we were not there for a "night" as we arrived early in the A.M. and left that campground at around 10 in the morning. She didn't even know when we got there, as she had asked. Technically 1 A.M. is morning, correct? I know its being sneaky, but I think its ridiculous to pay all these dumb fees to camp in our forests, or walk around at our natural wonders! We wanted to go see this lava cave, but they wanted you to pay $10 to go in. You paid the fee for this pass thingy that you had to carry with you and present to any forest service people who asked. We went to a couple more places that were in the woods (one was the lava tree molds, another was a volcano) and both places required passes ON TOP of buying parking at little booths. Its ridiculousness. If I want to walk in and look at a bunch of trees with old lava crusted around the bottoms in OUR national forests, I will. And I'm not paying them to do it damn it.
In any event, we DID camp in the forest (just outside of the "designated" camping area) for free, and we did at least see the lava casts, ignoring the self-pay area completely. I mean, come on, they didn't even have anything more than a crappy, poorly maintained path for you to walk on. We didn't need them for that. We could have walked out there all on our own without someone having to have poured asphalt onto the trail. We then drove all the way to the coast where I displayed more childishness by crawling around on my hands and knees and picking up seashells which are now happily clumped together in a large pepsi cup on the dashboard. We ate at a beautiful seafood restaurant in Florence built on stilts over the water. It was a bit pricey, but the cod was delicious and Adam's pizza was nothing to laugh at either. Very yummy.
We drove until it was quite late and pulled over to sleep in the truck next to a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was gorgeous. Very romantic. Speaking of romantic, Adam picked me wild flowers and brought me pretty shells the entire trip. It makes my heart flutter when he does those things, and I feel lucky to have him. Yeah, sappy I know, but I have to say it because its how I feel. I was a little crabby with him because I was under the impression we were heading to a hotel, but with money tight and a dog in tow, it probably was a better idea to sleep in the truck. Besides, a hotel wouldn't have you sleeping so incredibly close the ocean anyways. Not any we could afford. You could hear the ocean waves hitting the cliff walls as we slept. It was a good night.
I will admit that when we arrived home the absolute first thing I wanted was a hot shower, followed by a quick jump in our bed so that I could revel in its softness and warmth. I also really wanted to see Shelby and Chiyo, the two dogs we left home, pet my two horses, play with little Misty (our baby goat), and spend a little time with our two puppies (Yes, we have a ridiculous number of animals!). I even felt the urge to grab and pet our cat, thankful he wasn't a stinky zombie kitty.
Eventually, Adam came back and I had to leave my little zombie fortress fantasy behind, and realized I had been having a bit of fun with my somewhat scary (and often times child-like) imagination. Oh the good old days of being a little kid. We drove until 1:30 in the A.M., at which point we stopped at a campground at Three Creeks, Sisters. Its a beautiful spot with a crystalline lake. Unfortunately, its pretty packed in the summer, and Hoodoo has decided its $14 a night for a campsite! This is a government freaking campsite with little dirt spots... The most extravagant thing there is a freaking outdoor toilet with no plumbing. They claim the fees help with costs of upkeeping the camp sites. What costs? Sucking the crap out of the john? Frankly, I don't think the stupid forest service is needed there. I refuse to pay for such ridiculousness. The camp lady made her rounds that morning and asked us to pay. We told her we would, but left later. We camped about 10 minutes from there, OUTSIDE the little campground, and it was much better. No one was crowding us and there was a very neat pond nearby. We got some awesome photographs and enjoyed ourselves in peace and quiet! I almost considered writing something nasty on the little envelope that the camp lady had given us about being taxpayers and not giving a rat's ass if they deserted that campground forever...but I decided that I have a problem and needed to keep more of my thoughts to myself. So I did.
The little envelope warned that non-payment constituted a theft of services and could result in a citation. This I took to mean that they were threatening to send a ticket in the mail should they discover we skipped out on the "bill". Considering the woman wrote our license plate only on the envelope which she handed to us for payment, and on nothing else, I'm not sure she can ever figure out who we are. Do you really think they do that, or just threaten it in hopes people will believe it and cave in to their demands?? If they do, I'm simply going to claim we were not there for a "night" as we arrived early in the A.M. and left that campground at around 10 in the morning. She didn't even know when we got there, as she had asked. Technically 1 A.M. is morning, correct? I know its being sneaky, but I think its ridiculous to pay all these dumb fees to camp in our forests, or walk around at our natural wonders! We wanted to go see this lava cave, but they wanted you to pay $10 to go in. You paid the fee for this pass thingy that you had to carry with you and present to any forest service people who asked. We went to a couple more places that were in the woods (one was the lava tree molds, another was a volcano) and both places required passes ON TOP of buying parking at little booths. Its ridiculousness. If I want to walk in and look at a bunch of trees with old lava crusted around the bottoms in OUR national forests, I will. And I'm not paying them to do it damn it.
In any event, we DID camp in the forest (just outside of the "designated" camping area) for free, and we did at least see the lava casts, ignoring the self-pay area completely. I mean, come on, they didn't even have anything more than a crappy, poorly maintained path for you to walk on. We didn't need them for that. We could have walked out there all on our own without someone having to have poured asphalt onto the trail. We then drove all the way to the coast where I displayed more childishness by crawling around on my hands and knees and picking up seashells which are now happily clumped together in a large pepsi cup on the dashboard. We ate at a beautiful seafood restaurant in Florence built on stilts over the water. It was a bit pricey, but the cod was delicious and Adam's pizza was nothing to laugh at either. Very yummy.
We drove until it was quite late and pulled over to sleep in the truck next to a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was gorgeous. Very romantic. Speaking of romantic, Adam picked me wild flowers and brought me pretty shells the entire trip. It makes my heart flutter when he does those things, and I feel lucky to have him. Yeah, sappy I know, but I have to say it because its how I feel. I was a little crabby with him because I was under the impression we were heading to a hotel, but with money tight and a dog in tow, it probably was a better idea to sleep in the truck. Besides, a hotel wouldn't have you sleeping so incredibly close the ocean anyways. Not any we could afford. You could hear the ocean waves hitting the cliff walls as we slept. It was a good night.
I will admit that when we arrived home the absolute first thing I wanted was a hot shower, followed by a quick jump in our bed so that I could revel in its softness and warmth. I also really wanted to see Shelby and Chiyo, the two dogs we left home, pet my two horses, play with little Misty (our baby goat), and spend a little time with our two puppies (Yes, we have a ridiculous number of animals!). I even felt the urge to grab and pet our cat, thankful he wasn't a stinky zombie kitty.
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