Ya ya what? Is that Troll Speak?

I'll jump straight into men failing at being even remotely attractive to women.

WHY WOMEN DON'T LOVE YOU

Because you are pasty white? Because you have that creepy, stalker smile? Because you only speak Goblin? Or "Yodeling, Hairless Yeti" ? Maybe a vampire and a troll had a forbidden love child, and this is him attempting to drown his shame..through yodel-tra la la-ing. (Or whatever you call that.) Maybe its actually a mind control spell. Gah! Its stuck in my head. GET IT OUT!

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Speaking of things that get stuck in your head, get this to stop repeating on your mental radio.

[The Leek Spin Song]

(It says that it requires a password to view, but it doesn't. Just click cancel when it asks for one and it should let you through.)

Yup, it goes on forever. Yup, it has its own Dot Com. If you find yourself mysteriously having a desire to eat leeks, or discover you suddenly have a need to buy a bunch of Japanese porn do not fret. That is simply the mind control in action. Once you recognize it you should be able to defeat it with your mental ninja skills. This isn't exactly new, but oh well.

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Speaking of Ninjas...

Random, but please go rent Ninja Assassin. Better yet, buy it. It is the most amazing ninja movie ever made. Full of blood, guts, and cool cinematography and stunts. What more can you ask for?

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1950s Public Service Announcements

Do you remember those odd, sometimes creepy (Ok, almost always creepy) PSAs from the 50s? No? Neither do I, considering I was born in the 80s. How about a quick flashback to these videos, which at times, seem to be thinly veiled attempts by the government to control your actions. More mind control? Maybe its a theme for me today.

Duck and Cover - Sure Fire Advice to Save you From an Atomic Bomb

It can "hurt you in different ways" .... "It can knock you down hard, or throw you against a tree." "It can burn worse than a terrible sunburn." Or it can melt your face completely off, but thats a minor difference. I'm sure falling to the ground and covering your head will save you from instant disintegration, or from your internal organs splattering onto the closest building. Oh wait, thats gone too. Of course a shelter will protect you! If you happen to survive, it will certainly shield you from the cancer. Don't worry if you develop extra limbs due to the radiation. Its just evolution. We humans are adaptable. We'll just be like Stewie from Family Guy, in the episode where he turns into an octopus and lays a thousand eggs. Finally, we will be able to accept mutants without fear or prejudice!

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Soapy The Germ Fighter

Look its in color! "Billy, just lie down and close your eyes..." (Shudders) "Get in the bathtub with me Timmy!" If I had only known it takes a talking, pedophile soap man to get kids to bathe more frequently!