And I have PROOF!
You will need to turn your volume up pretty high to hear what he is saying before he loses control of his need for brains and goes for the camera man. He says something about coming out of his house, and seeing the dogs. Apparently they came "bounding over" and then morphed into excellent specimens of T-Virus experiments. Why wouldn't women love this man? Perhaps because they desire to keep all of their flesh...and their brains. His wife (I assume), looks like she lives in constant fear of his blood lust.
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WHY WOMEN DON'T LOVE YOU:
Because smashing them in the face with your yam bag is not the proper way to get a girl to come home with you. The little trick he pulled pecking the girl on the cheek was somewhat clever, but managing a semi smooth move here and there doesn't help you much when you are an unattractive, arrogant dude with shorts so big you look like you are wearing a skirt. The way he behaves just screams insecure little girl with a narcissism issue. Nothing like having a concussion due to a head-on collision with someone's family jewels.
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For some odd reason, I keep wondering to myself why people ever had the idea that clowns should be fun, amusing creatures for children to love. Children generally hates clowns. They develop life-long phobias when exposed to the colorful, frightening demons in disguise. IT is the classic example of the true nature of clowns. Inside lies a deadly monster, simply looking for the opportunity to devour your soul. Or convince you to crawl down in to a dark, creepy sewer in the middle of a severe rain storm. All the while the clown is saying creepy, cryptic things whilst smiling with a mouthful of suspiciously pointed teeth. (I still don't get that child's logic. I chalk his death up to natural selection.)
"They float, they all float. And when you're down here with me, fat boy, you'll float too..."
And the clowns that are not demons are aliens. However, the correct name for alien clowns is apparently "klowns." They shoot you with popcorn, which grow into man eating clown-plants. Then they capture you in colorful balloons and drag you to their space ship (which is, of course, a circus tent) and turn you into enormous cotton candy clumps. When you have ripened, they stick a straw into your pink fluffyness and drink your sweet, candy-like juices. I have watched this movie many times. Its priceless.
Actually, I'm not sure which is scarier...the clowns or the acting. It is highly debatable. This is, however, a must have B movie.
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To make it worse, we have to worry about the travesty that is Clown Porn:
At first I was positive that this was a prank site. I thought, "Too bad, because with all of their frightening powers, a militant wing sounds quite intimidating and potentially useful for world domination." People think about using robots or minions of various sorts to conquer the planet. Why do they never resort to clowns?
And then I found this site:
A quote from their site:
"Innocence will be embraced and perverted, felt-up, rubbed-down, shaved, spanked, tweaked, violated with grease paint and left to drip-dry."
As far as I can tell, the site is SFW (Safe for Work, therefore your eyes in general.) It seems legitimate, as in they actually do what they say they do. They even claimed to be featured in "Sextera" in '06, a program on the Playboy Channel. I'm not sure why I'm shocked to know this sort of thing exists. I'm sure there is fetish for just about everything that is possible on this planet, and plenty that is not. Unfortunately, its another bullet in my arsenal towards proving the fact that clowns are to be feared. In the very least, you should be somewhat disturbed by now. If, however, fat men with suspenders, face paint and enormously over-sized shoes molesting innocent kitties doesn't bother you...Well then, I suggest some sort of expensive therapy.
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If you need any more proof that clowns are evil, soul-less beasts of oblivion...then take note that Steve-O is a clown. Do you remember Steve-O? He was a regular on shows such as Jackass, where he did various things such as intentionally snap his man sausage in mouse traps. I always hated him. I thought he was disgusting and an absolutely ridiculous excuse for a human being. He has used cocaine, ketamine, PCP, and nitrous oxide (WTF? NOS? Really dude?) Well, I guess that makes sense for his profession, considering that it is laughing gas. He literally graduated Barnum & Bailey's Clown School. Therefore, he is a clown. See below.
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Steve-O Trying to Hump Adam Carolla
If I were to take a shot in the dark, I'd blame PCP for this rather than the alcohol. After they shut off the cameras, he probably started tearing his shirt off like the Incredible Hulk and trying to bench press the camera guy while screaming incoherently. This is another good example of "Why Women Don't Love You"...You're a raging substance abuser. And you are a soulless, wicked clown. Don't forget that one.
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